Christmas Day

I am filled with too much turkey. I have swum in oceans of wrapping paper. I have been surrounded with smiles and laughter and love. It's Christmas. I still believe in Santa. There is absolutely some kind of Christmas magic that happens on this day.

And this year, it arrived in a very special way, at the bottom of a Christmas stocking and in the eyes of the man I love. It is sparkling at me in the corner of my eye as I type. It is a symbol of our commitment to each other, and the next steps in the journey we are taking together. It fits me perfectly, as does my new role of fiance, prometida. We are engaged to be married and nothing has ever felt so natural. It's a bit like finding something you didn't know you were missing. With it, I feel more at home than I ever did without it.

Still, I find myself constantly surprised by a sparkle out of the corner of my eye, or when I glimpse it in the mirror. It's been less than 24 hours and I'm still marvelling at the change. When I see my reflection, it's a bit like looking at someone else. I wonder who that happy, grown up looking woman is, and I'm tickled to realize that it's me. 

It's a wonderful day. Merry Christmas everybody.

christmas goodness

Have you ever wondered how it's possible to get so much satisfaction out a full cupboard? I opened my cupboards today to find them filled with christmas goodies and snacks. After feeling like mother hubbard all exam season, this is a wonderful treat.

We have been decorating for Christmas. The Christmas tree is up, which looks a little different this year but I love it so much.

I hope you're all having a wonderful Christmas season and enjoying the company of loved ones.

welcome winter. i am not ready for you.

umm, it's cold here. And not a good time to have single pane windows. Check out the inside of my bedroom window.

 

That's my kitchen window. There's no way that thing's opening.

So, yep. Let's all cross our fingers for a bit of a thaw shall we?

gypsy love

How, I wish I could pull off this kind of style. Since our trip to Hornby Island this summer, i am in love with the hippie, nature-child life. Anyways, i love this photo. What an adorable engagement pic. You can see it all here.

happy thoughts

this video is so so so sweet. And apparently much needed around here. I am stuck at the computer today writing a 3000 word paper on an ill-defined topic and it's due on Tuesday. I just went to visit my boyfriend in the bedroom where he's taken shelter from my ticky typing and odd growling noises. He wrote me a song on his guitar which he calls "when my girlfriend is grumpy on Sunday mornings".  Ah yes. There's nothing I'd like to do more than prove him wrong but this paper isn't going away. Ah, well, I enjoyed the rest of my weekend.

Be prepared to smile.


Postcards From Italy from ForYouLoveMe on Vimeo.

One flew over

Recently I have been feeling a bit, well, shall we say antsy. I have been prone to sudden, yet subtle, pouty mood swings in which my subconscious begins to ponder whether or not the boyfriend really loves me as much as he says he does. Meanwhile, my conscious-self tries to hide the crazy from the boyfriend while also trying to elicit soothing, loving gestures from him to soothe the angst of my subconscious. Since there is nothing i am more sure of in this world than the fact that we love each other like shooting stars and rainbows, this terrible display of ridiculousness has been a bit frustrating.

The trouble is, I don't like waiting, and I don't like not knowing how much longer I have to wait. I just want to tell people already and shout from the rooftops that WE ARE IN LOOOVE!!!*&#^!%!!!!

So today, I tried to have a conversation without having a conversation and it ended like this:

him: well, we'd kind of lose the surprise.

me: yeah, but it's happening?

him: it's happening.

And now I can wait, happily, hopefully non-crazily, until it really happens.

weddings i like

It's been a while since I saw a wedding that made me pause and soak it in, then look at it all over again. But this one has a sweet simple charm about it. And it's in Vancouver! I've actually been to this wedding venue before. Enjoy...

A little self-acknowledgement

Over at Los Angeles Love, she writes "I f*cking rule Friday" and celebrates her accomplishments over the week. This week, that sounds really good to me so let's give er a try.

I f*cking rule this week because.... I am letting my ambition run freely and I'm embracing opportunities as they come. So often, something awesome comes along and I find a bunch of reasons why it wouldn't be possible and just let the idea drift away. I've been satisfying myself with the status quo for so long and not even looking for opportunities to be happy and have what I want. Well no more! I am taking this life for all it's got to offer.

So I f*cking rule because....

I am starting my own business. Yep, I am. It's just a little baby business at the moment but I'm taking the steps towards a child size business, and eventually a full grown business. I am starting a wedding photography business. Because you know what? I take good photos, and I like it. And I know I have more to offer brides than just the generic smiling and jumping photos that get passed around as wedding photography in this town. So yep, slowly but surely I am doing this thing. It would have been so easy to tell myself that it's a stupid idea, or i'm not good enough, or i don't know enough, or it just wouldn't work. But I didn't and that pretty f*cking awesome.

I f*cking rule because I am kicking ass in my Masters degree. Yep, sometimes it kicks my ass too but this week I have been proactive, taking control and gettin 'er done.

I f*cking rule because I am kicking ass with the boyfriend. I have managed this week to eke out more time to just hang around with him and honour our relationship. On Wednesday we spent three hours lying in bed and talking. After last week's madness we really needed that time and space and I'm f*cking proud to say that I was smart enough to realize that, and actually make the time to do it. It was lovely, restful, and just what we needed.

I f*cking rule because I am taking opportunities to grow and be more. I found a job posting for a really awesome part-time job that would bring in some much needed moolah this year while I'm in school until the contract expires in March. And it would be great for my career. The time commitment is a little high, but i'm not letting that stop me. I plan to apply and if I get an interview, I plan to sell them on the fact that they  need to hire me because I will save them money by doing the job more efficiently than someone else, in less time, and I'll do it better! A little ballsy, but I like it.

One last thing, I finally invested in the stock market. I'd had money sitting in an online investing account just waiting for me to put it somewhere, anywhere, for months. I finally figured out how to buy stocks and I pressed the d*mn button!

No more telling myself that I can't, or sabotaging myself by not working hard for what I want. No more playing by the rules. I will not take what I am given, I will go for what I want! I will have my cake and eat it too! I will drink every last drop that this beautiful, wonderful life has to offer!

Charity

You guys remember the typewriter story? Well after that I kind of decided I didn't need a typewriter anyway, and where the heck would i even put it? But I did tell my mother about the experience. And she told some friends of hers about it. And I guess they were pretty eager to get rid of their old typewriter, because the next time I spoke to my mom she said there was a typewriter waiting for me in the garage.

Really the last thing I needed was an old typewriter to deal with but apparently I had inherited this one and there was no undoing it. My parents brought it to thanksgiving and left it out on the porch in an old yellowed cover that greeted us when we arrived. A round of jokes were told throughout the night at our expense and we were warned not to try and leave it behind. So we lugged the extremely heavy thing home with us at the end of the night.

At home we got a better look at it. I sat it on our bedroom dresser.

and I'm kind of in love with it.

whooff

hi! yes, i'm still alive! but not for much longer if grad school has anything to say about it. My program is great but i have not worked this much.... ever. I'm not sure how hard I thought it'd be exactly. I guess I thought that the difficult weeks would come and go like they did in my undergrad. Instead after a week or two of luring us in and making us feel all warm and fuzzy they've gradually begun to bury us under papers and books and presentations and extra presentation this very afternoon that you must attend. So, I'm good but feeling the need to catch my breath. We have a week off coming up- reading week- and I plan to work just as hard through that week so I don't die in the following weeks.

One thing is leading me forward.... Turkey! Canadian Thanksgiving is just around the corner, woohoo!

a stunner

This one needs to be savoured.

house wifery

Ever since I started school again I find myself becoming more and more inclined to do domestic-y type things (how on earth do you spell that?). I've started cooking more, and using recipes, which i think the boyfriend is loving. I've also had this fall urge to finish the little projects around the house that i've had on my list forever. The balcony garden is growing nicely, i'm getting acquainted with the new indoor plants (succulents!), my desk is finally organized, the recipe book is growing. i finally put up a shelf in the bathroom today making that the one room in the apartment that is complete, and i dare say, looks damn nice.

I'm pretty sure that attacking my to-do list has been more about trying to get the house in order before i melt away into graduate school. But this whole cooking thing is throwing me for a bit of a loop. I've never been much of a cook so I'm finding it hard to explain this latest urge to actually follow recipes and make .... real food. The other day i made chicken cordon bleu. Just, what? and it was easy! and it was good! i can't explain it. My mother was not much of a cook. She focused more on the healthiness of the food, rather than the pleasure taken from cooking or eating it. So the succession of tasty dinner plates has been a bit baffling. Today i think i finally put my finger on it though. I think that since i am now a student and not bringing home a paycheck, i've been unconsciously stepping up my game on the housework side of things. You know, to make sure i'm contributing equally (even though i have a nice little scholarship which definitely contributes, although a bit less than usual). Part of me thinks that's so very unprogressive of me. And the other part of me thinks, forget stereotypes, it's kind of cool and i might just embrace it... at least i'll learn how to cook.

weddings i like

This couple held their wedding in a forest. i think i'm in love.

a shift

 I wrote this post in July and thought i'd come back and edit it, but it turns out that i don't edit, i just post stuff. so i forgot about this one. I don't want to forget about it though because this sentiment was part of a shift in our relationship, part of extending our roots into the ground together. So here it is.


The boyfriend and I live together. July 1st marked our one year anniversary living together. (Also, it was Canada day. Happy Birthday Canada). Over this year our relationship has shifted. We moved in together pretty quickly, so the beginning was a mad rush of going out for dinner, or to the park, or to watch the sunset, go dancing, shopping, meeting friends etc, etc, etc. As we've grown into our lives together, and added some new financial goals, we've started doing those date- like things less and less. Our relationship has become a bit more about errands and reading books and watching tv. I don't wait in bed until he wakes up all the time anymore, although i still do like watching him sleep if i wake up first. I don't always ask what he wants to do. I spend more time doing my own things in the house. and that's great. this weekend we were struggling for ideas about what to do. we'd gone out for dinner, it was saturday night and we didn't know what to do next. I was struggling to come up with an idea, any idea, that might be entertaining. Eventually, he said he was okay if we just went home. We rented a movie. he fell asleep halfway through. it was our saturday night. I worried that maybe he felt like our relationship was boring, maybe he missed doing all the things we used to. shouldn't our saturday nights be more exciting?


but when i asked him, he pointed out that we live together. And our relationship is more about living our lives together and less about keeping each other entertained, and i felt better. i love that he has the ability to point something out and make me feel better so quickly. 

"those aren't very romatic things to say but they stir my heart"

this is it. this is what marriage is, what life is, what death is. we should all be so lucky.


Danny & Annie from StoryCorps on Vimeo.

live the joy!

Okay, for a minute look past the swelling music, the designer gown, the million dollar budget and the fact that she's a supermodel and look at how joyful they look! I want to have the smiliest kiss, just like that one.


Coco + James // Teaser from Americana Cinema on Vimeo.

lucky lucky

I just made my first cream sauce and i'm feeling very domestically accomplished. I've officially entered territory uncharted by my mother. At any rate, that creamy accomplishment is making me feel better about the new pet our apartment seems to have acquired. (It is unwelcome and I spent an entire day cleaning EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE).

Anyways, i've finished the first week of my masters program. Many weeks more to come. I'm really excited about it though. It's nice to be back and thinking critically. My classmates are really nice and the profs are smart and approachable so all in all i'm pretty happy in my mountains of reading.

In case you were wondering, our vacation was wonderful. We spent 3 lovely nights on a tiny little island occupied by hippies and artists. It was the boyfriend's first time ever camping and we took advantage of every minute... beautiful hikes, stunning beaches, awesome farmers market, skinny dipping and roasting marshmellows (for the first time ever! how did he survive!?!) Not to mention the stars. the stars! Outside the city everything is so much brighter and the milky way was a magical swath of light across the sky up there. Lying on the beach and looking at stars while police go around making teens pour out their liqour... nothing better. It was one of those serindipitous weekends where everything (okay not everything but still) was just right with the world.

And now, school. I've got a big 'ol smile on my face typing this. I am a lucky lady.

it's on!

The trip is on! We have 4 wonderful days together. We're hightailing it off to an island that is very difficult to get to and the ferry costs are astronomical. I have to tell myself to quiet the screaming voice inside me that's saying "what? just for a boat!?" when I see how sweetly the boyfriend talks about enjoying the ferry ride and getting some sun on the top deck. So I have today to do everything (!) and then four blissfull, hopefully sunny days to let water and sun wash away any stresses and leave us relaxed and calm for September. Wish us luck and good weather! Have a great long weekend!

Dun duh na na!

i meant for that to sound triumphant so i hope it doesn't read like jaws. Today was the last day of my summer job (whooopee!) AND, AND, AND... I have 6 whole days off until i go back to school (for the first time in 3 years! I am excited yet terrified. pre-reading be damned). When I imagined this moment i thought i would want to get outta town and spend these 6 days somewhere else, anywhere else before the realities of student life hit me again. Just kick up my heels and go swimming for a week. And the boyfriend and I have made a plan sort of. He is planning to ask his boss if he can have time off for us to go away over the long weekend for a few days and come back just before school starts on Tuesday. So far we've calculated costs, mapped driving routes and determined that yes campsites are available and yeah we have all the stuff we'd need. Bit spur of the moment, like everything else, but it's do-able.

But now that it's actually here i'm not so sure i psyched about going. It poured rain today and while my head was already in a fall state of mind (Productive! and ready to accomplish things! things! like reading! buying new clothes! and of course some textbooks!), today I broke out my comfy pants (which usually don't see the light of day until Novemeber) in response to this weather and i feel like staying inside and tackling the massive to-do list i have before school starts and i have to stare at the damn list for another year without a hope of accomplishing any of it.

Plus, I bought stuff today. For the apartment. So now i'm possessed with notions of redoing the bathroom in a lovely seaside motif and recovering the kitchen chairs, and maybe i could do something about these lampshades? and what the hell i might as well visit my parents so i can visit every home decor store in the hours drive between me and them. So yeah. I've got the fall crazies right now.

So I don' t know if we're actually going to make this vacation or not. it would be nice since we haven't been on a vacation together this year and we should get in some bonding and cuddles before i spend all my time cuddled up with books and throwing expletives at my computer. But then, it would be nice to cross out some things on that to-do list, maybe tackle some more of that pre-reading, and get into the school state of mind again. I guess i'll be happy either way. We'll see what happens. i'll keep you posted.

weddings i like

sigh, i couldn't resist. i started looking at wedding photos again. This wedding will make you want to vomit it is so stuffed full of diy but it's just so pretty and i like the spirit. Plus who is named Artemis or Nao? I may just have to name my children after this wedding.

in which she learns more than she wanted to

We had an interesting conversation a few nights ago and I learned more about him than I wanted to. See, i live a very idealistic life. I carefully select the kind of thing that i allow into my life. I don't consume negative news images, don't frequently watch disturbing movies, the people in my life are pure loveliness and intelligence, with a hearty dose of sparkle and amazingness. They are as close to perfection as I have been able to find. I work in a pretty good place, or at least the aims of the field are admirable and you know, things just work out for me and i work hard to keep it that way.

So chatting about the realities of my boyfriend's illegal Mexican existence here in Canada has been eye opening. I know that bad things exist but never imagined that they existed so close to me. He knows and works with some pretty unsavory people. How can you exist in such a sphere and still be so full of goodness? Proximity with that kind of thing would tire me right out in a heartbeat. I wonder how you can be so close to that and still believe in humanity. Certainly his perceptions on the world around us are different from mine, and sometimes that bugs me. I enjoy my ignorance and innocence about some things. If i believed in god, i would pray that this time won't last much longer for him, that things will get better soon. But i think we still have a good long stretch ahead of us. None of this will be easy for him or us. Not one little bit.

dawn

At work today my coworker was describing how she describes us to other people. and I was described as the kinda quiet, motherly type. I stopped her there in mock horror (but not very mock really) at being described as motherly. ( I'm still young! I still fit jeans that aren't too many sizes bigger than the ones i wore in highschool! )

She protested though that she just thought that i was the one who would make a good mother. And that made me smile. A lot.

small victories

one more, just because lately this has been more of an issue than i'm used to....

I just looked in my bank account and there is a little bit of money in there, yipee!

umm hi

i have abandoned beautiful wedding photo blogs. They give me bad energy from looking at them too much and they skew my priorities in a bad way. And I have been feeling distinctly un-weddingy. which makes sense since i'm not engaged yet. I've also been taking a photography class twice a week after work which has stretched me pretty thin. I'm happy to say that next week is the last class and that i know how to use my camera now. I'd really like to get into wedding photography (have i said that already?). Partly because i can really help us along while i'm in grad school and partly because i looked at photographers in my area and thought surely i can do better than that. Anyhoo, head over to APW again today for a very smart post from one lovely lady.

awesome

endings & beginnings

This past weekend I learned that one of my friends has ended her engagement to her partner of 7 years, and with good reason. She moved all of her things out of the home they shared for 3 years. It's all over. She is handling it all admirably and I believe that in the end it will all be for the best, because well, it always is.

But the situation got me thinking. Just one month ago, I told my boyfriend that I only knew two rock solid golden couples that I knew I could count on. And my friend was one of those couples.

I went a bit loopy over hearing this news. I began wondering how i could be certain my own relationship would last if I could be so wrong in my intuitions about my friend's relationship. I mean, surely if certain "signs" are present in a relationship everything will turn out okay right? How am I supposed to know what a healthy, lasting relatinship is supposed to look like if nobody i know actually has one? It's like all this time I thought there was a map out there to get to a lasting, loving relationship and now I've found out that nobody ever knew how to get there.

I suppose I always thought that somebody had the answer. Somebody had that relationship that you're "supposed" to have. Somebody knew how to do things right. But everywhere you look people seem to be doing it wrong. Divorces happen. Relationships that seemed so right later break down. Even when people have been married for decades, you often wonder what exactly is making it work....they don't seem to be the epitome of happiness and contentment after having worked out their relationship over decades so it runs like a finely oiled machine sprinkled with displays of spontaneous affection. I mean, isn't that what we were always promised it would be like? What are we really aiming for if nobody has the answers and the perfect marriage we've been promised is some elusive creature that is rumoured to exist but rarely ever spotted?

I feel now, more than ever, that he and I as a couple, are truly set free from any anchors or moorings we may have had and we are on our own. We cannot look to anyone but ourselves for direction. I feel like he and I are on a boat together and we have no map and no destination but we are responsible for steering that boat. I have no examples, no comparisons, no precedents that can guide me. It is all up to heart. This feeling is at once frightening and liberating. We are own our own journey now, and while we can't look to others to guide us, we most certainly can be responsible for guiding ourselves.

woah

so there

The other day i was browsing the free section on craigslist and i came across a listing for a free type writer. I really want to have a typewriter at the wedding for guests to type messages with but it's probably not something we'll ever use again so it's not something i'm willing to spend money on. But free? okay! So i emailed the person and they emailed back with info on where to pick it up. I was so excited, first because they replied at all, and second because i was on my way to pick up a typewriter. I envisioned something like this....

or this....

But when i got there, i saw it sitting on the stairs just after i greeted the woman giving it away and thought "oh crap". It was an electric typewriter! the kind that looks like a computer keyboard and plugs into the wall and it was really ugly. I didn't have the heart to say i didn't want it. She had listed the specifications and i hadn't looked up the correct photo so it was my own fault. So i lugged the ugly thing to my car and brought it home. I put it right back up on craigslist and feared it would sit in my apartment gathering dust. Pretty soon though i had a reply and a girl who wanted to pick it up that night. When she buzzed at the door I grabbed the typewriter and practically shoved it into her arms, afraid she'd have the same reaction as me and not want to take it after all. But she and her boyfriend seemed pretty happy to have it and grinned and thanked me and i felt pretty good about the whole typewriter debacle after all. I think i even earned some good Craigslist karma. So there.

weddings i like

what a beautiful wedding! it has a beautiful etheral feel that i would like to have at my wedding too... or at least in the photos.

more...

love at first sight

i think i found them. i really think i might have found them. i've been drooling over plenty of photographers from other cities and other countries. but i think i have the finally find the one. or ones in this case. they are two emily carr art school graduates, and they shoot beautiful photos.

check it out...
Gucio photography

with wedding packages starting at $2500, if we decide it's worth the expense for us (and it think it is), they very well might be our wedding photographers.

till death do us part

Today on APW, Meg is discussing the implications of till death do us part. I also believe in the importance and meaning behind the words "till death do us part". My boyfriend has had a very difficult year. His mother passed away suddenly and too young. Work has been difficult to come by. Financially we've struggled, and we've been dealing with immigration. I have had the opportunity to stand by him through all this and know there is nothing that I wouldn't do for him. These experiences have brought us closer. I have seen his faith in our relationship solidify.

I haven't had many opportunities to experience his unwavering support and love through difficult times. I have had a wonderful year and sometimes feel like i am leading a charmed life. But when I do struggle, he never fails to support me with the full strength of his being. Most recently I felt his unfaltering support while throwing a fit of rage after discovering that due to very poor, careless advice from my program advisor for my masters program, i had missed an important deadline to apply for desperately needed and significant funding from the school. After cursing, crying and throwing a sheaf of paper on the ground, he came to me, kneeled by my side and said "you're better than this" in the least judgemental way. Although at the time i continued to rage, I was touched by his acceptance of my faults and his gentle prodding to act like the better person he sees me to be. I know we will go through more difficult times, and they won't be pleasant, but i am happy to know that at least i can look forward to feeling his unwavering support for me when i truly need it.

warning signs

Lately i've been dropping little hints to my parents about the upcoming engagment. jokes about running away to elope, about my parents becoming grandparents... that kinda stuff. I'm not sure my parents are prepared for the news and i know they hate surprises. i think my parents always imagined that my partner and I would be more settled in and established when we decided to get married. Instead we will be in an in-between period for the next few years with respect to our careers and, from the vantage point of my parents 35 year marriage, we're still pretty new.

Last week, my dad asked me point blank if we'd been talking about getting married and i said yes. He didn't say much after that and seemed to be thinking deeply about it. So i was a little worried when we planned to get together with my parents for lunch.

When we arrived my parents were in fine form. My dad gave my boyfriend career advice about all aspects of his career plans and my mom proposed that they start a formal homework plan together to improve his English. At one point my boyfriend gave me a little look and we smiled. It was clear that my parents were offering all their best advice out of love, as an investment into someone who will soon join our family in the deepest way. Ain't love grand? It became so clear that it's not just about the two of us. Building our small family also builds a much bigger family, as he joins my family and i join his. It makes it so much more meaningful, and i never thought anything outside of the two of us would be very important. i can't wait.

so cute

one step

the boyfriend and i talked yesterday about our wedding budget. I figured out how much i think we'll want to spend.... $9000 including the honeymoon. (too much? too little?... i still don't know yet but that's what we're working with). and we backwards planned how much money we'll need to save every month to pay for it. It feels really do-able this way, even though i'm about to go to school for two years so my income will be really reduced. I do love having a plan.

delicious

wow. these are his vows! i could eat every one of those words.

“I was 21 years old and I thought I knew who I was. I met you, Jennifer, and I’ve been wrong ever since. It never ceases to amaze me what love can do. I’ve learned that love actually isn’t what makes the world go ’round, but rather, love is what moves us. It’s what drives us to be better people, it’s what allows us to forgive, it’s what wakes us up in the morning, and it’s what we got babe. Jennifer, I take you as my friend, I take you as my lover, I take you as my wife, and all these things I give to you with the simple promise of in a world where you are possible, nothing can go wrong for us.”

On re-evaluating

The boyfriend and I have finally walked into discussing details of our future wedding. For a while I was very covert about looking at wedding blogs and obsessing over details. Since we're pre-engaged i kinda felt like I shouldn't be thinking about and definitely shouldn't be talking about our wedding. But that's silly. I'm excited. We're both excited about the idea of calling each other husband and wife. So I shared. First just by showing him a few photos, then sharing my excitement over a potential wedding location we happened upon. And finally, we've discussed what we want out of our wedding.

I think that initially when we talked about it, i really scared him. I had been looking at too many blogs with gorgeous photos and these amazing stories and i wanted it all for myself. like all of it. and i missed the point. and he was very quiet when i brought up anything wedding. But after the glossy images all began to look the same and i began to read stories from amazing women who had their priorities straight and recognized that it's supposed to be about the marriage, i re-evaluated and started thinking more realistically, and thoughtfully about what i wanted. I started talking about that kind of wedding and he talked with me.

We're really lucky to want very similar things out of our wedding. After he'd seen a few photos I asked him what he wanted out of a wedding and he described a wedding that sounds absolutely like what i want. a wedding that reflects us and the way we want to live our lives together. i am so excited.

aaah

Why can't i find a photographer like this?

pretty little things

so pretty

the B word

the budget is something that will definitely be a big part of wedding planning for us. We are just starting out and there are a lot of things that we are saving for, not just a wedding. So i think that 10,000 is the max-i-mum i would like to spend on a wedding. I've read of brides doing weddings for $4000 which would be just peachy, but that usually involves a backyard wedding and i just don't have access to a beautiful, large backyard so there you have it. However, today i am making a guesstimated budget and can't believe what i found. According to a survey by weddingbells.ca this is the average budget breakdown for Canadian brides.

• Reception Venue = $6,922
• Bridal Gown = $1,093
• Bridesmaid Dress = $263
• Bridal/Bridesmaid Shoes = $112
• Wedding Bands = $1,761
• Photographer = $1,727
• Videographer = $754
• Stationery = $302
• Wedding Cake = $324
• Florist/Decor = $821
• Transportation/Limo = $533
• DJ/Musicians = $824
• Guest Favours/Gifts = $343
• Honeymoon = $3,448 

Bringing the total AVERAGE cost to $20,129!!! Really? it just seems like sooo much money for one day. one really great party... $20 000?!? I have definitely rolled my eyes more than once after hearing some celebrity spend $20 000 on a dinner party. But essentially, that's the same thing as a wedding, minus the lifelong commitment part. I can't believe it. I have a sneaking suspicion that there's a lot of things i haven't thought of yet....

fold me a river

i love birds. i think i get that from my mother who has lately built a bird feeder empire in the backyard, although my obsession comes in a more ornamental form. What about having hundred of white paper birds hanging above the bride and grooms table? i don't have any folding talent but i like the idea.

squares

i found a great vancouver photographers. here's her blog and a wedding shoot i liked.

but she comes with a $4800 price tag. gasp! so back to square one.

the boyfriend is a very talented musician. and while he cannot actually read sheet music, i think things made of sheet music might fit into our wedding very well.

sweet peas!

my nickname growing up was sweet pea (to my parents). i think it'd be nice, and sweet smelling to bring these into the wedding. i wonder if i could grow my own?

photogs

i've been looking through wedding photographers here in Vancouver, BC. so far i've been very uninspiring. so many wedding photographers here just shoot the same old wedding stuff. i don't think i can look at one more picture of a bride and groom smiling and posing in every photo. the mandatory dip and kiss photo has almost become the kiss of death when i look through someone's wedding portfolio. If all your brides have that same photo, i'm moving on.

what's worse is that all the wedding blogs show these gorgeous photos from fabulous photographers and none of them live close to me. i don't think it's in the budget to fly someone in.

i will keep hunting.

red

how beautiful is this red dress? i think it would be perfect for an engagement shoot.

lions and tigers and bears oh my

the boyfriend and I went hiking today. Yes, on a tuesday. We hiked through beautiful alpine forests and through more snow than anticipated. Yes, snow. the boyfriend was shocked too. We ended up with soaking feet at the top of a mountain with spectacular views all around of the mountains and ocean. Definitely a wonderful day. It's so nice to be able to share the simple pleasures with someone. oh, and the boyfriend saw his first bear. Actually me too, but technically i have encountered a bear before while hiking, i just wasn't the one who saw it. So, it was a beary good day.
 
 I can't believe i just said that. ha.

thinking flowers

here's what i'm thinking for flowers... Hydrangeas in blue and white in mis matched containers. Mostly mason jars, but i love the silver candlesticks and the blue jug as well. Also, it's possible that some wonderful relative has a lovely hydrangea bush in their backyard...  Or, i'm sure they're not too  expensive at the florist.

bliss

i am so lucky. we fit together so perfectly. when we walk sometimes i fall in step behind him and wrap my arm around him so his neck lies in the crook of my elbow and my hand rests on his chest, his shoulder. Our steps are perfectly aligned and we walk like one person with such ease. it's bliss.

the joy

and one more engagement shoot. I love them. Especially this one. The couple looks so happy and isn't that what it should be all about? i do love beautiful photos of a straight faced couple where it seems like you can look into their soul and see what they're really made of. but for your engagement shouldn't it be about the joy?

here it is.

fairytale

Here's another engagement shoot shot in the woods by punam bean photography. So pretty... sigh.

red dresses

I'm so excited by this engagement shoot. It's absolutely beautiful and the scenery is very close to what we ave here in Vancouver. I've been drooling over all these engagement shoots in grassy fields while ignoring the other kinds of beautiful scenery we have here. I also like the idea of using props in photoshoots but with scenery like this who needs em?

There are so many things i love about this shoot beside the scenery. First off, this girl is so gorgeous and her dresses are amazing. There's a lot of photos here so get comfy. It was shot by punam bean photography.