Monday, July 19, 2010
Saturday, July 17, 2010
endings & beginnings
This past weekend I learned that one of my friends has ended her engagement to her partner of 7 years, and with good reason. She moved all of her things out of the home they shared for 3 years. It's all over. She is handling it all admirably and I believe that in the end it will all be for the best, because well, it always is.
But the situation got me thinking. Just one month ago, I told my boyfriend that I only knew two rock solid golden couples that I knew I could count on. And my friend was one of those couples.
I went a bit loopy over hearing this news. I began wondering how i could be certain my own relationship would last if I could be so wrong in my intuitions about my friend's relationship. I mean, surely if certain "signs" are present in a relationship everything will turn out okay right? How am I supposed to know what a healthy, lasting relatinship is supposed to look like if nobody i know actually has one? It's like all this time I thought there was a map out there to get to a lasting, loving relationship and now I've found out that nobody ever knew how to get there.
I suppose I always thought that somebody had the answer. Somebody had that relationship that you're "supposed" to have. Somebody knew how to do things right. But everywhere you look people seem to be doing it wrong. Divorces happen. Relationships that seemed so right later break down. Even when people have been married for decades, you often wonder what exactly is making it work....they don't seem to be the epitome of happiness and contentment after having worked out their relationship over decades so it runs like a finely oiled machine sprinkled with displays of spontaneous affection. I mean, isn't that what we were always promised it would be like? What are we really aiming for if nobody has the answers and the perfect marriage we've been promised is some elusive creature that is rumoured to exist but rarely ever spotted?
I feel now, more than ever, that he and I as a couple, are truly set free from any anchors or moorings we may have had and we are on our own. We cannot look to anyone but ourselves for direction. I feel like he and I are on a boat together and we have no map and no destination but we are responsible for steering that boat. I have no examples, no comparisons, no precedents that can guide me. It is all up to heart. This feeling is at once frightening and liberating. We are own our own journey now, and while we can't look to others to guide us, we most certainly can be responsible for guiding ourselves.
But the situation got me thinking. Just one month ago, I told my boyfriend that I only knew two rock solid golden couples that I knew I could count on. And my friend was one of those couples.
I went a bit loopy over hearing this news. I began wondering how i could be certain my own relationship would last if I could be so wrong in my intuitions about my friend's relationship. I mean, surely if certain "signs" are present in a relationship everything will turn out okay right? How am I supposed to know what a healthy, lasting relatinship is supposed to look like if nobody i know actually has one? It's like all this time I thought there was a map out there to get to a lasting, loving relationship and now I've found out that nobody ever knew how to get there.
I suppose I always thought that somebody had the answer. Somebody had that relationship that you're "supposed" to have. Somebody knew how to do things right. But everywhere you look people seem to be doing it wrong. Divorces happen. Relationships that seemed so right later break down. Even when people have been married for decades, you often wonder what exactly is making it work....they don't seem to be the epitome of happiness and contentment after having worked out their relationship over decades so it runs like a finely oiled machine sprinkled with displays of spontaneous affection. I mean, isn't that what we were always promised it would be like? What are we really aiming for if nobody has the answers and the perfect marriage we've been promised is some elusive creature that is rumoured to exist but rarely ever spotted?
I feel now, more than ever, that he and I as a couple, are truly set free from any anchors or moorings we may have had and we are on our own. We cannot look to anyone but ourselves for direction. I feel like he and I are on a boat together and we have no map and no destination but we are responsible for steering that boat. I have no examples, no comparisons, no precedents that can guide me. It is all up to heart. This feeling is at once frightening and liberating. We are own our own journey now, and while we can't look to others to guide us, we most certainly can be responsible for guiding ourselves.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Saturday, July 10, 2010
so there
The other day i was browsing the free section on craigslist and i came across a listing for a free type writer. I really want to have a typewriter at the wedding for guests to type messages with but it's probably not something we'll ever use again so it's not something i'm willing to spend money on. But free? okay! So i emailed the person and they emailed back with info on where to pick it up. I was so excited, first because they replied at all, and second because i was on my way to pick up a typewriter. I envisioned something like this....
But when i got there, i saw it sitting on the stairs just after i greeted the woman giving it away and thought "oh crap". It was an electric typewriter! the kind that looks like a computer keyboard and plugs into the wall and it was really ugly. I didn't have the heart to say i didn't want it. She had listed the specifications and i hadn't looked up the correct photo so it was my own fault. So i lugged the ugly thing to my car and brought it home. I put it right back up on craigslist and feared it would sit in my apartment gathering dust. Pretty soon though i had a reply and a girl who wanted to pick it up that night. When she buzzed at the door I grabbed the typewriter and practically shoved it into her arms, afraid she'd have the same reaction as me and not want to take it after all. But she and her boyfriend seemed pretty happy to have it and grinned and thanked me and i felt pretty good about the whole typewriter debacle after all. I think i even earned some good Craigslist karma. So there.
or this....
But when i got there, i saw it sitting on the stairs just after i greeted the woman giving it away and thought "oh crap". It was an electric typewriter! the kind that looks like a computer keyboard and plugs into the wall and it was really ugly. I didn't have the heart to say i didn't want it. She had listed the specifications and i hadn't looked up the correct photo so it was my own fault. So i lugged the ugly thing to my car and brought it home. I put it right back up on craigslist and feared it would sit in my apartment gathering dust. Pretty soon though i had a reply and a girl who wanted to pick it up that night. When she buzzed at the door I grabbed the typewriter and practically shoved it into her arms, afraid she'd have the same reaction as me and not want to take it after all. But she and her boyfriend seemed pretty happy to have it and grinned and thanked me and i felt pretty good about the whole typewriter debacle after all. I think i even earned some good Craigslist karma. So there.
Friday, July 9, 2010
weddings i like
more...
Thursday, July 8, 2010
love at first sight
i think i found them. i really think i might have found them. i've been drooling over plenty of photographers from other cities and other countries. but i think i have the finally find the one. or ones in this case. they are two emily carr art school graduates, and they shoot beautiful photos.
check it out...
Gucio photography
with wedding packages starting at $2500, if we decide it's worth the expense for us (and it think it is), they very well might be our wedding photographers.
check it out...
Gucio photography
with wedding packages starting at $2500, if we decide it's worth the expense for us (and it think it is), they very well might be our wedding photographers.
till death do us part
Today on APW, Meg is discussing the implications of till death do us part. I also believe in the importance and meaning behind the words "till death do us part". My boyfriend has had a very difficult year. His mother passed away suddenly and too young. Work has been difficult to come by. Financially we've struggled, and we've been dealing with immigration. I have had the opportunity to stand by him through all this and know there is nothing that I wouldn't do for him. These experiences have brought us closer. I have seen his faith in our relationship solidify.
I haven't had many opportunities to experience his unwavering support and love through difficult times. I have had a wonderful year and sometimes feel like i am leading a charmed life. But when I do struggle, he never fails to support me with the full strength of his being. Most recently I felt his unfaltering support while throwing a fit of rage after discovering that due to very poor, careless advice from my program advisor for my masters program, i had missed an important deadline to apply for desperately needed and significant funding from the school. After cursing, crying and throwing a sheaf of paper on the ground, he came to me, kneeled by my side and said "you're better than this" in the least judgemental way. Although at the time i continued to rage, I was touched by his acceptance of my faults and his gentle prodding to act like the better person he sees me to be. I know we will go through more difficult times, and they won't be pleasant, but i am happy to know that at least i can look forward to feeling his unwavering support for me when i truly need it.
I haven't had many opportunities to experience his unwavering support and love through difficult times. I have had a wonderful year and sometimes feel like i am leading a charmed life. But when I do struggle, he never fails to support me with the full strength of his being. Most recently I felt his unfaltering support while throwing a fit of rage after discovering that due to very poor, careless advice from my program advisor for my masters program, i had missed an important deadline to apply for desperately needed and significant funding from the school. After cursing, crying and throwing a sheaf of paper on the ground, he came to me, kneeled by my side and said "you're better than this" in the least judgemental way. Although at the time i continued to rage, I was touched by his acceptance of my faults and his gentle prodding to act like the better person he sees me to be. I know we will go through more difficult times, and they won't be pleasant, but i am happy to know that at least i can look forward to feeling his unwavering support for me when i truly need it.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
warning signs
Lately i've been dropping little hints to my parents about the upcoming engagment. jokes about running away to elope, about my parents becoming grandparents... that kinda stuff. I'm not sure my parents are prepared for the news and i know they hate surprises. i think my parents always imagined that my partner and I would be more settled in and established when we decided to get married. Instead we will be in an in-between period for the next few years with respect to our careers and, from the vantage point of my parents 35 year marriage, we're still pretty new.
Last week, my dad asked me point blank if we'd been talking about getting married and i said yes. He didn't say much after that and seemed to be thinking deeply about it. So i was a little worried when we planned to get together with my parents for lunch.
When we arrived my parents were in fine form. My dad gave my boyfriend career advice about all aspects of his career plans and my mom proposed that they start a formal homework plan together to improve his English. At one point my boyfriend gave me a little look and we smiled. It was clear that my parents were offering all their best advice out of love, as an investment into someone who will soon join our family in the deepest way. Ain't love grand? It became so clear that it's not just about the two of us. Building our small family also builds a much bigger family, as he joins my family and i join his. It makes it so much more meaningful, and i never thought anything outside of the two of us would be very important. i can't wait.
Last week, my dad asked me point blank if we'd been talking about getting married and i said yes. He didn't say much after that and seemed to be thinking deeply about it. So i was a little worried when we planned to get together with my parents for lunch.
When we arrived my parents were in fine form. My dad gave my boyfriend career advice about all aspects of his career plans and my mom proposed that they start a formal homework plan together to improve his English. At one point my boyfriend gave me a little look and we smiled. It was clear that my parents were offering all their best advice out of love, as an investment into someone who will soon join our family in the deepest way. Ain't love grand? It became so clear that it's not just about the two of us. Building our small family also builds a much bigger family, as he joins my family and i join his. It makes it so much more meaningful, and i never thought anything outside of the two of us would be very important. i can't wait.
Friday, July 2, 2010
one step
the boyfriend and i talked yesterday about our wedding budget. I figured out how much i think we'll want to spend.... $9000 including the honeymoon. (too much? too little?... i still don't know yet but that's what we're working with). and we backwards planned how much money we'll need to save every month to pay for it. It feels really do-able this way, even though i'm about to go to school for two years so my income will be really reduced. I do love having a plan.
delicious
“I was 21 years old and I thought I knew who I was. I met you, Jennifer, and I’ve been wrong ever since. It never ceases to amaze me what love can do. I’ve learned that love actually isn’t what makes the world go ’round, but rather, love is what moves us. It’s what drives us to be better people, it’s what allows us to forgive, it’s what wakes us up in the morning, and it’s what we got babe. Jennifer, I take you as my friend, I take you as my lover, I take you as my wife, and all these things I give to you with the simple promise of in a world where you are possible, nothing can go wrong for us.”
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