Saturday, January 15, 2011

God + war

I have mixed feelings about religion. I myself don't partake in any religion and neither does the fiancee (although coming from a Mexican Catholic family his ideas about not participating in religion are likely different than mine). My only experiences with religion came from 1) going to a Christian summer camp (is there any other kind?) and 2) attending youth group with Christian friends in high school. After seriously considering the idea for years, I swung in the other direction and came very close to saying without guilt or fear that god did not exist. In recent years I have expanded my definition of what God might be, and have come up with a concept that is more palatable to me than anything presented to me in my dabbles with Christianity. I'm still not sure where i stand on the whole issue though. The fiancee however is quite clear, God exists, He is important, though religion is not so great.

Previously we had discussed getting married outside and not in a church. This seemed to be okay. Today though, we were talking about the wedding and I discovered some interesting things. 1) He feels that some people, although not him, will feel that a wedding anywhere other than a church is not a real wedding and 2) If the situation was different and we were in Mexico, or all of his family was going to be here, he might want to be married in a church.

I'm not too sure what to do with that information. Our wedding won't be a real wedding? It might be more meaningful for him in a Mexican church? Does that mean it won't be as meaningful to you here? I'm still processing that.

We then discussed our vows. He would like God to be included in them. I had pretty much counted on them being secular. I'm not too sure what's it's going to feel like standing up there and hearing someone talk about God to me before I make deeply important commitment. I don't want any part of those vows or my statement of commitment to the fiancee to feel inauthentic to me. Nor do I want to deny the importance of acknowledging our union in front of God to the fiancee.

I think it's going to take me a while to come to terms with this. And it's also going to be a very delicate process piecing our vows together. Any advice?

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